Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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