It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
