I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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