How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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