i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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