so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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