I wish I could punch you in the face.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
