how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize