My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
