Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
