it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
