i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he shaved USA in his pubs
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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