Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
