Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
