He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She bit a glass in half.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
