Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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