i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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