I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
