i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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