Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
