ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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