Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My liver just broke up with me...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
