its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
