i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
