I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Boobs are out for the taking
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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