i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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