there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
