there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
there is glitter all over my balls
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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