The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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