I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's blow job season.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
