Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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