I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
