I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just cut my nipple shaving
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
