I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
