We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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