i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
