a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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