i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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