So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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