spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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