He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
