She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
