I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
