this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
