I cockslap morals
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
