Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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