i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
