I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
