If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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