I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
