a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
